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EXCERPTS FROM A GOLDENDOODLE'S DIARY
8:00 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m. Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m. Oh boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh boy! Pretty flower! My favorite!
6:00 p.m. Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 p.m. Oh boy! Watching TV w/my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m. Oh boy! Sleeping in my master s bed! My favorite!
Just For Fun
Day 183 of my capitivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to
kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking
almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to
vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed. Decapitated a
mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them
aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.
Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of
gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement
throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the
food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my
power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The
dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an
informant. He speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to his current placement in the high metal room, his
safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.......
Where Do Pets Come From?
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has
provided the answer to "Where do pets come from".
garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not
see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is
difficult for us to remember how much you love us."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion
for you that will be with you forever and who will be a
reflection of my love for you so that you will love me
even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how
selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new
companion will accept you as you are and will love you
as I do, in spite of yourselves." And God created a new
animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was
a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new
animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he
wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already
named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot
think of a name for this new animal." And God said, "No
problem. Because I have created this new animal to be
a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a
reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion
to them and loved them. And they were comforted.
And God was pleased. And Dog was content and
wagged his tail. After a while, it came to pass that an
angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve
have become filled with pride. They strut and preen
like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of
adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are
loved, but perhaps too well". And God said, No
problem! I will create for them a companion who will be
with them forever and who will see them as they are.
The companion will remind them of their limitations, so
they will know that they are not always worthy of
adoration". And God created CAT to be a companion to
Adam and Eve. And Cat would not obey them. And
when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat s eyes, they were
reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And
Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly
improved. And God was pleased. And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn t give a hoot one way or the other.
ISLA - F1 Standard out of Cassie and
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1. Put both lids of the toilet up. And add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is
actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a power-wash and rinse .
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and
the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
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